Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Dec. 2006

     This was the last Christmas that Dad was able to come to Huntington. Looking at this pic now, I recall he was having great difficulty with mobility and he was hunching over due to pain in his back and legs.  I remember when the doctor told us that he had "Alzheimer's".  I cursed God for allowing this to happen to my lovable, caring, big-hearted buddy.  I immediately began trying to obtain as much knowledge as I could on the subject.  As I began to read about the different stages of this horrid disease, I started crying and somehow moved myself into a state of denial.  I stopped reading info. about anything pertaining to Alzheimer's.  I naively thought, maybe it will go away, maybe the doctor was wrong, maybe Dad can beat this. Its strange how your brain can trick you and go into self preservation mode.
     I just sent two messages to Rick and Sheena.  I told them that origionally I designed this site in hopes of helping someone out there in the vast internet.  I have since realized that someone is "ME".  I have been off my anti-depressants for over a month.  I am so happy to be getting back to myself, instead of feeling like a zombie in one of Bill's horror flicks.  I think this blog is just what I need to work through unresolved issues of pain, anguish, loss and fear.
     If anyone out there should have a loved one who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  This is a very helpful link.  For the past two years,  I have been involved in their walk for awareness and I was so happy to have my sister, Sharon join me this last time.  So, here's the link:


The Film Geek said...

Nice post. Welcome to the blogasphere.

Dan said...

this is a GREAT pic

Lynda Pelfrey said...

Oh...seeing that picture makes me cry!! I miss your dad so much. I'm sending him a big OO-OO to heaven!

TimD said...

I’ve lived as a refugee since 1999. The roots I’ve established are those grown in the soil of time and experience. My family n’ friends are steadfast cuz I won’t settle for anything less, you either perform or you’re out.

@ the ripe old age of 39 the most poignant loss I’ve experienced is that of love. I’ve loved many times n’ been burnt many times. Losing those men whom I thought were worthy of me was hard @ the time but in retrospect was about as significant and pleasant as a truly rank fart. Truly! ;-) I’m almost embarrassed @ the tears I shed. Live n’ learn!

So, when I read the heart wrenching tales of loss, to me, my tales seem so pale in comparison. Loss is loss n’ everyone’s pain is significant n’ individual … I know I know … My BA’s in counseling as well ;-) … I just felt silly blogging about this because I don’t feel bad during the holidays or any day really. Sure I have my blue moments but we all do. It’s called your circadian rhythm and in conjunction w/ the ebb n’ flow of your neurotransmitters there are going to be a few days of blah! Now when those days turn into weeks n’ those weeks turn into a lifestyle … well that’s when it’s time to visit the pharmacy or the gun shop. But that’s for another blog altogether ;-)

To summarize LOL … I don’t think I can summarize this rant so I’ll just say … I’m the youngest son of five siblings, I’m an uncle a dozen times over, I’m a great uncle 9 more times … I’ve been around kids more than I’ve not been. The innocence of childhood is what the holidays are about for me. I don’t have kids n’ God knows I don’t want any but if I can contribute to the magic for a kid, that’s cool. If I can rekindle that magic for my 39 year old cold, black heart, that’s cool! Life is the opposite of innocence, all of the things that we do in life seem to slowly erode that innocence and the holidays provide a time for us to give it a little boost, to bring the magic back into our lives if only for a lil while!

So string up the lights, light the fire, open a good bottle of spirits, kick your feet back n’ relax. Life is about the living(noun/verb interchangeable ;-), so get out there n’ live people!

Merry Christmas!

Mark said...

Wow Tim! My favorite part about that story was: "circadian rhythm and in conjunction w/ the ebb n’ flow of your neurotransmitters there are going to be a few days of blah!" You and Sheena definitely have unique writing styles. Thanks for sharing. I'm finding this blog very therapeutic.